I have an old friend who’s dying. We called him “The Fool.” He was hysterically funny and would do anything for a laugh. We partied hard together for a while but we haven’t been close in a long time. It still sucks though. Alcohol ruined him and his liver has failed. He’s comatose and will […]
No matter what life throws at me, no matter what unfortunate circumstance I find myself in, a drink will always make it worse. What I’ve learned is one drink for me is like starting a fire, the kindling effect. It starts out small, just one drink. And then whoosh, an all-consuming blaze. Whether I want […]
July 4th, 2010, is a day I will never forget, except for the fact that I don’t remember too much of it! I guess I should back up a little and provide some back story. You see, this was two years prior to me getting sober. I was the guy that had to invite 30+ […]
I felt out of sorts. Like a visitor in my own body. Slightly different, less than. Too skinny and awkward. A square peg trying to fit in a round hole. On the outside looking in. I think more people feel this way than don’t, but it took me a long time to realize that… I […]
Getting and staying sober has taught me that I have a perfectly good brain. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe I am extra smart but I’ve come to realize my brain is fine. So why would I want to poison it regularly? In our world today, drinking is portrayed as such a normal part […]
I hate meditating. There, I said it. Meditating is a stupid waste of time. It does nothing for me and my time would be better spent doing anything else. Whew, I feel better now. I am a doer. A doer and a fixer. I identify with all the motivational sayings: Get up and go. The […]
I was trying to get home from a funeral or something. I had a flight change in Minneapolis/St. Paul with a brief layover. Doing what I always did, I ended up in the airport bar. I didn’t end up there because it was fun or because I was feeling gregarious; it’s just what I did […]
All alcoholics quit, eventually. Sounds hopeful, right? Maybe not so much when you realize we only quit one of two ways. Vertically or horizontally. The hard facts for me are, I will either die a sober alcoholic or a drunk one. This will never disappear and if I start believing that it will, I’m in […]
I hope I don’t get caught. I hope I don’t get pulled over. I hope she doesn’t leave me. I hope I don’t get fired. I hope I don’t have cirrhosis. That was pretty much it for ‘hope’ before sobriety. My life was small, my outlook bleak, and fear ruled. I was beholden to alcohol. […]
Alcohol wants me dead. Not just dead though, no. That’s not enough. Alcohol wants to ruin me first. It wants to steal my joy, hope, love, health and freedom. It wants to get me fired and keep me unemployable. It wants to break my spirit and destroy my self-respect. It wants to make my friends […]