Hide and Sneak

There is no situation I’ll find myself in that a drink won’t make worse. Conversely, there is no situation I can find myself in that recovery won’t improve! For me being sober makes everything better, now that I know what works.  Now that my recovery program has shown me how to live. Where I was […]


My Mom died a couple days ago. It was ok, it is ok. She was ready and it had not been good for a while. She regularly said, referring to herself of course, “Some people just live too long.” She had outlived her husband, much of her family and nearly all of her friends. She […]

Courage To Be Vulnerable

I hate confrontation, in basically any form. I hate it. Confrontation always meant I was in trouble when I was a kid. Trouble for not paying attention. Trouble for doing the wrong thing. I recently found out my mom kept a lot of my report cards from elementary school and junior high school.  Nearly all […]

I don’t understand!

About five years ago, I had dinner with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. We talked about what had been happening in our lives since the last time we had been together. He told me about all the amazing things he had been doing, and I told him how I went to rehab […]

Moral Failings

Moral failings. Drinking made me feel like a failure. It made me feel weak and less than. My self-esteem was one of many things my disease stole from me, but feeling that bad about myself was probably the worst. I simultaneously thought, “I deserve better than this” and “I am getting exactly what I deserve.” […]

What do you love?

Sometimes I forget to be happy. It’s not that anything’s wrong necessarily. I just forget. I start to focus on the wrong stuff. To veer off course. I am far from alone in this. But, in my sobriety, I’ve discovered that happiness is an inside job, and for me, I’m the only one who can […]

I Belong

Another friend died. As I understand it, he died sober. But he had stepped away from his recovery, and his recovery friends. My suspicion is that loneliness played a big part in it. But I’ll never know. His friends in recovery sure wish they could have been there for him. But he had pushed them […]


I am free. I am no longer a slave to alcohol. I never thought I would be able to say that towards the end of my drinking. In fact, I thought “the end” would be a very different thing. I was beyond hope. I had given up hoping to ever hope again. I was exhausted, […]

The Party is Over!

I will never have fun again. That’s what I thought would happen when I started to think I needed to stop drinking. The party would be over and I would never have any fun ever again. Poor me. I conveniently failed to acknowledge that for me, the fun had ended a long time ago. Truth […]


Do you know how long it takes to get 1 day sober?  24 hours or 1,440 minutes or 86,400 seconds… should I keep going?  You see, before I went into treatment I could barely put together a couple of hours, let alone days of not drinking. I would set all these limits on my drinking. […]

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