Change

Change. I don’t like it, (said in a grumpy old man voice.) One of my favorite quotes is, “The only thing I don’t like more than the way things are is change.” I’m not saying things are bad right now by any stretch, don’t get me wrong. Things are really good. But change is perennial, and it’s happening, and I don’t like it. 

I know what it is, the source of my discomfort. It’s fear. Fear of the unknown. But my higher power (I call him God ‘cause I’m lazy) has been wonderful to me so far, and I have no reason to believe he’s going to drop me on my head now. Faith and fear can’t exist simultaneously, so I know I need to let go (or be dragged.) Because change is coming. 

It’s not that I haven’t been through worse than this before. Years ago, an unlikely and extremely unfortunate series of events happened to me and my family. The end result of which was we now live in the nicest place we’ve ever lived! A place that I never imagined myself living. And it started with some seemingly grave misfortune. Like bankruptcy, short sale, losing our first home sort of misfortune. I learned some valuable lessons in that time, some I even remember. 

My kids were very small during that stressful time, and I was concerned they would pick up on the difficulties we were going through. I made a pact with myself that my kids would not hear about the stress I was under or feel the precarious position we found ourselves in. I told myself to “Leave that in my truck when I pulled into the driveway.” And I did it. I hit the door happy and grateful for my family, grateful for what I still had rather than worried about what I was losing. Then after a month or two of success, it occurred to me, if I can free my children from the stress of my situation, why can’t I do that for myself too? I had done such a good job of releasing the drama before I hit the front door for the kids, I wondered why I wouldn’t give myself the same courtesy. I suppose it seemed that if I didn’t worry and stress over the situation, I was being irresponsible or not giving proper gravity to my circumstances. It seems silly when you look at it that way, but I think a lot of us do that. Weird thinking, huh? My head doesn’t always work well. I identified a little too much when I heard someone say, “I think my brain would destroy me if it didn’t need me for transportation!” My takeaway was, “I can compartmentalize stress!” Or even let it go (or be dragged…) 

Sometimes it helps me to remember that we are specs of dust on a grain of sand spinning in infinite space. How big are my concerns, really? Turn it over and let God handle it. News flash, he’s handling it already, I just like to think I give him permission to do what he already does. Again, my brain don’t work right. 

Having been through financial uncertainty in the past, I know what to do when it happens again. Not that I always do it. Sometimes I like to roll around in the fear until I get uncomfortable enough to remember what’s worked before. Werdly, this time, I had a moment of excitement thinking, “I’m looking forward to seeing what God has in mind for me next.” I was a little shocked by that! I must be really starting to believe this stuff, lol.

I‘ve probably written before, God always answers my prayers. Sometimes the answer is, “no”, “not yet”, or “I have something else in mind”, and sometimes it’s “yes”. I have to remember, God’s in charge, I’m not, I’m going to let him (do what he’s already doing…)